Episode 78: How to Rewrite Your Stories

We all have stories in our heads about many things. Some are useful and most are not. Did you know you don’t have to be stuck with them?

In this last episode of a 4-part series, you’ll find out just how simple it can be to rewrite those outdated stories and turn your dreams into reality.

What You’ll Learn:

• The truth about what you think.
• Story types you may not be aware of.
• The simple steps to rewriting your stories.
• How to bypass the urge to hang onto stories that no longer serve you.

Life is too short to be living it based on stories you didn’t choose. Every good author needs an editor to make the new stories compelling. Schedule your Discovery Call with me today so we can work together to create new stories and dreams for your career and life. 

Hey friend! I’ve created a new training and companion workbook for you that will help you ditch those limiting beliefs that keep you stuck and create the confidence you crave. It’s 22 minutes of pure gold that moves you to the next level of success in your career or business. Go to my website, barbarachurchill.com and click the START HERE tab in the upper right hand corner. Enter your name and email and you’ll have instant access to this life-changing information. It’s that simple!

Transcript

Hello hello! Welcome to the podcast on this Worthiness Wednesday. It is a crisp Fall day here in the land of 10,000 lakes of Minnesota and the leaves are turning into gorgeous golds, oranges and reds. It’s so lovely here this time of year. It makes me want to hang out in my kitchen and bake apple crisp and pumpkin bread and pumpkin bars with cream cheese frosting. I’ve been enjoying my evenings reading by the fireplace in my screen porch. It’s such a cozy place to be and I use it well into November. 

What do you do this time of year? Do you have any Fall traditions? Drop me a note or comment and let me know. I’m always open to new ideas on creating more comfort in my life.

This month we’ve been talking all about the stories we have in our heads. We have lots of stories around money and if that’s something you can relate to please go listen to the amazing interview I did with author and financial planner Jean Lynn. Then we have stories about the relationships in our lives; romantic, family, friends, coworkers, bosses and most importantly ourselves. Give that episode a listen as well. 

And today we’re going to talk about how you can rewrite those stories, so they don’t hold you down and keep you stuck any more. Because we get to choose what we believe, and I know that you hear that a lot and you may not believe it because of all the stories you’ve been telling yourself for decades. 

So, let’s talk about them in a very simple way. There are 3 kinds of stories:

1.     The stories we tell ourselves and these are usually negative and filled with all kinds of judgment and how we aren’t good enough or don’t measure up or all the reasons why we can’t do something. And these are the ones that keep us from showing up and being our true selves.

2.     Then there are the stories we get from other people: parents, grandparents, teachers, employers, friends. These are the stories they believe and teach us about ourselves and the rest of the world. Sometimes we think we have to show up as the people they believe us to be rather than our true selves.

3.     Then there are the stories that are simply true. They are based on fact – no judgment, no opinion, no bias – just the facts. And this is where we ultimately want to land because it’s the only thing that really matters. What’s true. So, for example, I was productive today is a fact because you can look at all the things you accomplished in your workday. You have proof that is a true statement. Or I ate healthy today or worked out today because you have the facts of doing so to back that up.

The first thing you’re going to need to be able to rewrite your stories is to become aware of them in the first place. Throughout the day, you’re telling yourself stories about what’s going on, about how wrong other people are to do what they do, about how good or bad you are at things.

My challenge to you is to start to notice what you’re telling yourself about everything.

It’s important to be aware of what those stories are, and how they’re affecting your happiness. If a story is making you happy or content, and you’re aware of that, then great! If you’re not aware of it, it’s not such a big problem if it’s making you happy, but what happens if the story starts to make you unhappy with your life? Then if you’re not aware, you have difficulties.

So, start to become aware of your stories, useful and not. I don’t like to label things as good or bad – too much judgment and I want you to start to let go of that judgy narrative in your head. Notice them throughout the day.

Notice when you’re getting stuck in the story, spinning it around and around in your head. She shouldn’t have done this, and on and on, making you frustrated and unhappy with the person.

When we get hooked on a story, it’s hard to break away from it. But becoming aware of being hooked is the most important step.

So, what can you do if we’re hooked on a story? It can be very difficult to break out of that trap. I know, because it happens to me all the time. I see the story I’m telling myself, but it seems so solid and real that sometimes I can’t just let it go.

The first thing you can do is regard it as fiction. Some of the best books are novels, right? They aren’t a true-life story, it’s all made up. It can seem real because of the creative writing, right? But when you finish reading that novel, you don’t believe it to be true, you believe you just read a really good book. 

It’s something you’re playing out in your head, just like a novel, with very real emotional results. See it as a fictional novel, not truth, and become aware of the physical reality of the world around you in this moment. What sensations are happening in your body? Now I want to remind you that this process can take time. It’s not a quick fix or 5 easy steps to… It takes time to practice noticing all the noise in your head, deciphering which are facts, and which are the fictional novel narrative you have running in your head. Because you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge. You have to be aware first.

The next thing you can do is not act on the story. Even if you’re caught up in it, that doesn’t mean you have to lash out at someone or run away to distraction or comfort. Just sit with the story, notice how it’s making you feel, notice the physical sensations in your body. Notice that you’re caught up. But don’t act, just stay with your awareness. This can be so challenging, right? There are stories I believe that create this sense of urgency in my body, like I have the physical feeling that I have to act on it, push through. I know myself so well that I know when that happens that I need to do the exact opposite of that. I need to just be with it until that urge passes. 

Then, let’s journal on it. I know what you might be thinking. I don’t have time to journal or I don’t like journaling. That my friend is a story you tell yourself about capturing your thoughts and feelings on paper. The truth is this is the way to weed out the stories from the facts. You get to jot down the stories you tell and decide if they are useful to you. Will they help you grow? Will they get you to your dreams? If not, begin to explore what stories will. 

If you have a story that you aren’t smart enough for the promotion, research your own expertise and experiences. Look at your resumé and take in all the amazing knowledge, experience and expertise you have. Look at your life experiences because those count, too, possibly even more so. That’s the proof. If you have a story that you aren’t creative, like my old story that was given to me by my 8th grade art teacher, look for evidence of your creativity. For me it’s how I decorate for the holidays – table settings, decorations, baking – these are some of the ways I show my creativity and own that part of me and disown that old story.

I want to offer you this action step: 

There are two books being written about you. One is a novel that includes all the judgments, opinions, preconceptions that you and other people have about you. The other is like the old encyclopedias – just facts on your life. Facts about your experiences, failures, accomplishments, etc. 

How might you look at yourself and your life differently if you chose to write the book of facts? How might that affect how you see yourself and what you believe to be true? Where might you be in your life without interpretations, judgements, preconceptions?

Stories will still come up, but you can notice them and not jump into the deep end of the drama pool. You can keep your floaties on, keep swimming and lay back and float. Doesn’t that feel truer to who you are?

Alright my friends. Go forth and rewrite those stories. I can’t wait to read the new book of You!

Until next time, remember: 

I believe in you!