Episode 81: How Gratitude Ends Struggle

It’s that time of year when the expectation is that everyone is going to be of good cheer. What if that’s not what someone in your world – or you – are feeling?

The holidays are a wonderful time and can also be a very difficult time for those who are struggling. Instead of ignoring those feelings or avoiding them, why not embrace them and use gratitude to lighten the heaviness.

This week’s episode I share one of my favorite books and why the content can help.

What You’ll Learn:

• Why the holidays may not be easy for others.
• Things to consider this year to ease the struggle.
• A couple of questions to ask when you’re deep in your suffering.
• The benefits of gratitude and how it can end that suffering.

This year you can have a different experience during the holidays – but you can’t do it alone.  Schedule your Discovery Call with me today so we can talk about ways you can feel deep gratitude in any situation while changing your life dramatically.

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Transcript

Hello my friends! Happy Worthiness Wednesday once again! It’s so good to be with you and share my thoughts on one of my favorite topics – gratitude. It’s fitting, right because here in the US we’re getting closer to my favorite holiday – Thanksgiving. If you’re new to the podcast or my work – welcome. If you’ve been hanging around me for a while, you know why it’s my favorite. Yes, there’s great food. I love to decorate and set a beautiful table for my family and the friends that join us. And – the best part is that feeling of gratitude, of being very present with everything and everyone in my life that I’m so very grateful for. It just fills my heart to a deep level.

This month that’s what we’re talking about – gratitude and grace. Last week I had the pleasure of interviewing a dear friend and colleague about how to get through the holidays without burnout and embrace grace. If you missed that episode, by all means go back an listen to it. She shares some great wisdom.

This week I want to offer a different take on gratitude. I want to start with the struggle that life offers to all of us. No one gets through their life without experiencing the pain of loss – relationships, jobs, possessions, direction – so many different ways to experience loss. And the holidays can be a really difficult time for people who have experienced it. I think of my dearest friend Sandi so much at this time of year because she loved all things pumpkin. She’d get her pumpkin coffee and pumpkin bagel with pumpkin cream cheese and call it “death by pumpkin”. She loved it. She and I would make pies together each year at my house and we’d laugh so much that I was always amazed that the pies turned out. We certainly weren’t giving them our full attention.

So, this year be sensitive to those you celebrate with who may not be feeling as festive because of the loss they had. The worst thing you can do is diminish it or try to cheer them up. Hear them out. Ask what they need from you. Be there for them and help them carry on in the way that works for them. This year will be different with my dad and his progressed dementia. It is very bittersweet for me because I miss having conversations with my father on many topics. I miss being the daughter and hope on that day I can let go of the role of caretaker for a few hours.  

Now, if you’re someone who thinks they really don’t have time for one more thing – including being grateful – this is for you. There’s a book I came across many years ago called “Conversations with God” written by Neale Donald Walsch. I think I heard about him from Oprah so I picked up his book. I want to be clear – I’m not going to talk about religion as I’m not an expert on that by any stretch and I consider myself more of a spiritual person. So, for me to choose this book, well, I trusted Oprah. Doesn’t everyone?

I thought his story was quite remarkable, his Hero’s Journey if you will, and I wanted to share it with you because it ties into our topic of gratitude and grace. 

Let me give you some background on him. Walsch experienced a number of tragic losses in his life back in the early 1990’s. He lost all his possessions in a fire, his marriage ended, he lost his nearly 30-year career, and he was in a serious car accident in which his neck was broken.

In only a short time he found himself homeless, sleeping on the ground in a sleeping bag, and collecting bottles and cans to sell so he could raise enough cash each day to eat. He was homeless for nearly a year. He was almost 50 years old at the time. Eventually, he was able to find work as a back-up radio program host. His career had been in broadcasting.

One night, he woke up at 4:00 am fed up with life so much so that he was ready to end it. In a frustrated and desperate state, he began to write an angry letter to God. Expressing his discontent with life, he asked God why he had allowed all of these things to happen to him. Haven’t we all wanted to write the same letter at some point in our lives?

He said he was shocked when God began to answer his questions. He frantically wrote down what he heard so he wouldn’t forget. This routine continued each night for months. What Walsch heard and wrote became the basis for his series of books. He asked God the same questions you or I would have asked. 

I invite you to consider a couple of Walsh’s quotations.

Suffering is inevitable.

The struggle ends when gratitude begins.

We all experience struggle and loss. Some more than others, some less than others. But no one who lives even a short life escapes all suffering.

We all go through unpleasant things. We all have bouts with pain. Sometimes the pain is on multiple fronts. Sometimes it seems that we receive more than our fair share of disappointments, frustrations, and losses. I have said many times, “OK Universe. My plate is full. Move on.”

But what do we do with these things? You’ve already discovered that resisting them is unproductive. Though it might relieve some discomfort for a short time, it doesn’t bring us any lasting peace or resolution.

Walsch offers a radical change in perspective. A call to look at our situation through a different lens. To consider what we might not know. Or what we may have rejected.

What if our attitude in the middle of our personal shit show was to be grateful? To be thankful? Could that help? Have we ever tried it? Let’s consider it for a moment. How do we deal with a reality we don’t like? How do we navigate the waters of disappointment, pain, and loss?

Walsch’s suggestion is that we offer gratitude. That we see the experience as a genuine opportunity to be grateful.

Why?

The first reason is that we don’t know where hardship may lead. We’ve all heard stories of people who have been at the depths of despair—only to later rise to heights they never dreamed possible. In fact, it was when Neale Donald Walsch was in desperation and about to take his own life—that his life began to turn around.

Not because of the fame and fortune that soon came his way. But because his life for the first time began to make sense. To him. The fact that his life changed for the better by his own assessment is nothing to discount. Remember, this was a man who had given up on life. He saw life as a meaningless and cruel trick being played on him. He was cynical, angry, and bitter about life. He was nearly 50 years old. He asked himself if this was all he was able to achieve after nearly half a century of life? It was such a disappointment to him that he could no longer bear the thought of living. This was his own assessment of his own life. 

But then his life began to change. And in his own view it began to change for the better. He began to see the purpose for his life. He had never understood its purpose before. This is most significant. I think that most people live their entire lives without ever discovering their purpose. 

The second reason is that there may be something we need to learn from the experience. And the experience is the only way we will learn it. And I have to say, this is the part of it that I hate. I have to walk through the fire to learn from it. Ugh! No matter how smart we are, or how educated we may be —there are some things we are slow to learn. We just can’t seem to get certain things. Even after a long time. So, we need a special lesson. Sometimes it’s a quiet whisper in our ear. Other times – and this is me – it’s a rubber mallet to the head. Something that’s so profound that we finally grasp what has escaped us so far. Certain experiences have a way of teaching us what we could never learn otherwise.

So, the next time you begin to freak out over an event. Or a disappointment. Or a loss. The next time you’re just plain angry about life. Frustrated. Fed up. Ready to throw something.

Pause for a moment. Ask yourself if this could be the start of a better life? It’s been said that rock bottom is the best place on which to build a solid foundation. Many have done it. Many have hit rock bottom before they figured it out. So you may want to be grateful for the opportunity to rebuild. It may not be the end. It may actually be the beginning.

Pause for a moment. Ask yourself if there is something you need to learn. Be open to the educational experience. Welcome the opportunity to stretch and grow beyond your present condition. This can be the time when you finally get it. When it finally begins to make sense. When you begin to understand things you never understood before.

Why not be grateful? Why not welcome the opportunity to grow? Why not welcome the opportunity to learn? Why not admit that there are things you can’t possibly know right now? Those things you can’t possibly know now that will play a significant role in your life later.

Give it a shot. What do you have to lose by being grateful? What do you have to lose by being thankful? Not so much thankful FOR the experience. But thankful IN the experience. Because you don’t know what it might bring forward. 

I’m not suggesting this will be easy. I’m saying that it’s worth a try. So, I invite you to take some time this month and look at your life experiences. Choose one thing that is a struggle for you and begin to reframe it as something to be grateful for. Ask those questions and listen for the answers. I guarantee you’ll be amazed at what you hear.

I’ve had a gratitude practice for decades and it has definitely changed how I deal with struggle and loss. I’m here to help you do the same. Reach out and schedule a Discovery Call with me today my friend. It’s time to end the struggle and experience what gratitude can do for you. 

Alright my friends. Until next time remember:

I’m grateful for you and I believe in you.