Ep 83: How to Be Grateful in Hard Times

This time of year, we hear a lot about gratitude and feeling all merry and bright.

But what if you’re feeling more like the Grinch than grateful?

Let’s be real: the holidays can be a time of sorrow and grief and it’s time we normalized those feelings as well.

In the last of my series on gratitude, I get real and share my thoughts on how to give yourself permission to feel all the feels.

What You’ll Learn:

• The truth about the holidays and how you feel.
• How grief and gratitude actually mirror each other.
• 5 powerful ways to shift into gratitude anytime you want.
• The permission slip that will help you enjoy yourself this year.

I offer you this: vow to be the real you and feel all the feels this year. I promise it will be a richer experience. 

Not sure how to get started showing the real you? Schedule your Discovery Call with me today and let’s design the kind of holiday – and life – you truly desire. 

Hey friend! I’ve created a new training and companion workbook for you that will help you ditch those limiting beliefs that keep you stuck and create the confidence you crave. It’s 22 minutes of pure gold that moves you to the next level of success in your career or business. Go to my website, barbarachurchill.com and click the START HERE tab in the upper right hand corner. Enter your name and email and you’ll have instant access to this life-changing information. It’s that simple!

Transcript

Hey hey! Welcome to Your Next Phase podcast where we talk about all things next phase – in your life, your career, your health, your finances – you name it! If you’re new here, welcome! I’m Barbara Churchill, master certified life and leadership coach for high performing female leaders and entrepreneurs, speaker and leader of international women’s retreats. I’m so grateful we’re together again this week and since we’re still in November, I’m continuing my series on gratitude and grace. 

If you live in the US, I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. And I hope you were able to allow yourself to feel whatever you needed to feel. Our society creates a ton of pressure for us to be all merry and bright when so often the holidays can bring sadness, loss and depression. 

I want to share with you that you can feel more than one emotion at the same time. It doesn’t make sense, I know. We’re told to be happy which isn’t sustainable. Did you know that? Feeling happy seems to be the goal, but it’s hard to maintain that level of emotion all the time. I prefer the word content, it’s easier to access and doesn’t require so much energy. Or even satisfied, right? 

The holidays are a time for celebration and being with family and friends. It’s also a time where loss occurs, have you ever noticed that? I have a very dear friend who lost her granddaughter just before Thanksgiving. It’s tragic and the pain is real and deep. I know she’s grateful for her family and she is also in deep mourning. 

This dual feeling state is such a difficult space to be in I think in part because we tell ourselves that we must buck up and put on a good face for others. We don’t want to ruin their holiday or be a Debbie Downer. I’m here to give you permission to take off that mask and be you. Feel your feelings. Shed some tears during the holidays, on the actual day – it’s all necessary and important for your emotional and mental wellbeing. 

I’ve had this experience many times and instead of stuffing it, I allow my emotions. I feel them, let them go through my body and release them through tears. Then I breathe deeply and am grateful for the grief. I know that sounds weird, but I am. The depth of my grief mirrors the depth of my love for that person and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

So I want to share some ideas on how you can hold more than one emotion this holiday season and love yourself while doing it.

If the thought of practicing gratitude seems impossible, that could be because you have a skewed idea of what it actually is. Perhaps you’ve been told, “Be thankful, others have it much worse than you,” or “You have so much to be grateful for, don’t complain.” If that’s the case, it’s no wonder you’ve built up a wall against how to practice gratitude when you’re feeling anything but grateful.

First off – please give yourself permission to start slow and not be perfect at having a gratitude practice. Think of it like going to the gym after a long time away. You can’t bench 150lbs right off the bat, right? You have to start slow and use lighter weights, then gradually build up to heavier. It’s the same with practicing gratitude – start with small things and do it daily. You’re going to miss a day here and there – that’s OK. Just like working out, if you miss, jump right back in and start again. It’s about changing your focus – even for a short time – and it takes practice.

So here are a few ways to practice gratitude even when you’re not feeling it:

·        Connect with others. While this might be hard because all you want to do is stay in bed, isolating yourself isn’t the answer. Release expectations and reach out to your circle of friends and family. It takes effort and it will be so worth it.

·        Focus on what doesn’t suck. Are there beautiful holiday lights in your neighborhood? Do you have enough to eat, a warm bed to lay your head on or a favorite pet who adores you? All good stuff, right, and thinking about them – even for a short time – will help you get a break from your grief.

·        Write an ungrateful list. You heard me right. Make a list of what you’re not grateful for. Sometimes separating out the things that you’re not grateful for can help you see what you are grateful for.

·        Look at your surroundings. Do you have a favorite photo or piece of art in your home or a comfy sweater that makes you feel cozy and warm? These are things that you can feel grateful for pretty easily. There’s no such thing as too small when it comes to practicing gratitude.

·        Do something nice for others. The quickest way to get out of feeling like shit is to be kind to someone else. Let someone ahead of you in the checkout lane. Pay for the order in the car behind you at your favorite coffee spot. Donate your time or money to one of your favorite charities. Volunteer at a homeless shelter and serve them a meal. Bring an elderly person you know groceries or offer to do their holiday shopping for them. Helping others is a great mood booster.

Bottom line: Be yourself this holiday season. Allow all the feelings to surface and give yourself the gift of processing them. And do the same for those people in your life that are going through a difficult time. Let them know you don’t expect them to be phony and you are there to support and meet them where they are.

What a gift! And I guarantee – they will be grateful to you.

Alright my friends. Feel all the feels and know I’m here for you. And as always remember:
I believe in you.