Episode 97: Redefining Self-Trust

Do you feel like you can trust yourself? Oftentimes we think of self-trust in a way that doesn't serve us. What if you decided to redefine what self-trust meant to you?

What You’ll Learn:

• How the old definition of self-trust holds you back.
• Which of the 4 Derailers shows up in that old definition.
• No more shoulda, woulda, coulda.
• The new definition that will catapult your success.

Want to start looking at yourself in a whole new way? Schedule your Discovery Call with me today and begin the process of trusting yourself again. 

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Transcript

Hey hey! I’m going to jump right into this week’s topic because it’s come up in the last several weeks with many of my coaching clients and I am taking that as a sign that I need to bring it here on the podcast. It’s about self-trust and how I think we need to change the definition of it to better suit us in 2024 and beyond.

Do you feel like you can trust yourself? Oftentimes we think of self-trust in a way that doesn't serve us. We think that self-trust looks like always knowing what to do in any situation. Having all the answers. No indecision or uncertainty. Always making the right choices and decisions. When you’re always doing that, you do things “right” or even perfectly. We never make mistakes and always do the things that we say we’re going to do. We always follow through on our word. We always make a plan and stick to it 100%. 

Is this the standard you’re holding yourself to in order to determine if you trust yourself? This version of self-trust is one that we can never live up to, which will ultimately hurt your levels of self-trust and destroy it further. 

Instead, what if self-trust was something completely different? What if you could be trusted to make the right choices, and to do your best moving forward? And isn’t that really all we can ask of ourselves?

How about a new definition? All your emotions and experiences are true for you and valid. That’s the first part. It’s all valid and important. The second part of self-trust is I know I can make the best decision for me based on the information that I have at any given time. That doesn't mean you won’t make mistakes. It means you trust yourself in that moment – which will eliminate any regret. I have a friend whose car needed some really expensive repairs and she was torn on whether to bite the bullet and pay for them or just get a new car. She loved her car and it has sentimental value, so she decided to repair it. Well, soon after those repairs were complete, she noticed a noise coming from the engine and was told that it probably wasn’t a safety concern, but it still is bothering her. She’s been doing the old, “I never should have had the repairs done. I just threw that money away.” But that’s not true. She made the best decision with the information that she had at that moment. 

Let go of the “I should have known better” because the reality is, there’s no way you could have. You didn’t have the information prior to the decision. You had it afterward. So, you’ll gather more information and perhaps change direction and you’ll pivot. 

So, watch out for what you say to yourself when you second guess yourself. Let me ask you, what’s the last thing you said to yourself? I’m guessing it was not filled with kindness and compassion, especially if you’re feeling stressed out right now. That’s OK. It’s not always unicorns and rainbows and if you practice positive affirmations as a way to snap out of the negative spin, they can sometimes feel inauthentic and have little to no impact on your life. 

So, next time you catch yourself being a bully to yourself, I want you to stop for a moment and just say, “I see that you’re trying and for that I’m proud of you.” and “I will figure it out and I will keep myself moving forward no matter what.” Because when you can start to acknowledge the effort and not the achievement, you can start to reinforce the power of that effort and give yourself the strength to keep trying. But if you’re sitting there telling yourself how awful you are for not achieving what you wanted, it doesn’t provide you with much motivation to keep moving forward and it certainly decreases your level of self-trust.

Notice I’m not saying that you’re going to do things perfectly or that you’ll have all the answers. Those are typical messages from your 4 Derailers™, specifically Perfectionist and perfection is a fantasy that can keep you stuck. You don’t have to know what that looks like every time either. You don’t have to know the how. Just keep moving forward. And then add I trust myself to learn and evolve, that I can commit to. 

So let me recap this new definition of self-trust:

·        My experience is valid – always. I can trust that. 

·        I trust that I can make the best decision for me based on the information that I have at any given time.

·        I have the self-love for myself to know that might change in the future if new information comes to me that creates the need to pivot. I will be kind to myself and love myself through that process.

·        I’m committed to always moving forward and always figuring it out.

·        I will always learn, grow, and evolve from these experiences – good or bad.

So, what do you think? Do you like this new way of thinking about trusting yourself? I’d love to hear from you. And if you need help with this like many of my clients, please do yourself the favor of scheduling a Discovery Call with me asap. It’s time to make 2024 the year you can trust you and I’m here to help.

Alright my friends, it’s time to go out and practice trusting and loving yourself. And until next time remember:

I believe in you.